Hey!
I’ve had quite an uneventful past few days really but, since it is half term in the UK right now, I’ve had a lot of time to sit and think about where I would like my life to go in the future. I recently decided that I actually need to get involved in some kind of extra-curricular activity (like an out of college acting class or musical theatre class or something) because the things that we have been doing at college are not enough. I want more than just going to college and coming home and doing nothing. The thing is, I have the opportunity to join so many classes (there are a wide range around here) but I just never go for them. I guess I’m just scared really. My friends know me as the person without any inhibitions and the one who will do anything but I have come to realise that, whilst I am not scared of it and can take it, I hate the thought of someone else in the class criticising me or taking the piss out of me. I know it’s what I should expect wanting something more out of performing arts but the thought of someone else in the class who is no better nor worse than me visibly laughing or talking about me whilst I perform, is terrifying. I mean, I’ve been in auditions before where everyone else knows someone there and you know nobody and you get up in to the space in the small groups but in that situation any judgement from the other candidates was virtually none existant because everyone else was in the same boat and everyone was being judged by the panel. Being the only person in the room who knows nobody is the worst thing ever. I guess I should be used to it since from the day that I walked into my AS English Language class in September, knowing nobody; to the day I finished the course at the end of May this year; I never had a casual conversation with anybody in that class. Everyone there knew someone apart from me and they were all too up themselves to talk to me. I know that it was for the best though since, whilst everyone had friends, I was the one listening to the teacher when he was speaking and everyone else was having their conversations. Meh, I’ll still probably come out with the worst grade there. I think I bombed the exam so much.
So – to link this post back to the title – my life is going nowhere at the moment. I need it to pick up and for something to happen. I have the confidence but maybe my fear of being laughed at (even if I’m not bad – it always happens) is just greater than my confidence to perform. Hopefully it’s something that I will work on at college.
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Date Published: Thursday, June 3rd
Author: Jack -